It is often difficult to get your child to go to bed for two reasons. One, the child is in no mood to give up the activity and go to the quiet lonely bedroom and be deprived of the fun. Secondly, by the end of the day you are so tired that you long for some quiet moments all to yourself. Both of you are justified and that is where the clash of interest begins. The result is your child throws up a tantrum or comes up with some demand or the other that can postpone bedtime.
But it seems that over a third of children refuse to go to bed before their parents!
So, if you are in that situation, here are some pointers that might help:
First, you need to establish how much sleep they actually need. Most children under 12 need about 10 to 12 hours sleep (the younger they are, the more they need). However, some kids just seem to need very little. If that is the case with yours, ie, they genuinely function well on, say, 6 or 8 hours sleep, there is just no point fighting with them to go to bed 4 hours before they need to - all that will happen is they get up four hours earlier and wake you up then, instead!
After you have established a reasonable bedtime, you should stick to it. Kids take advantage of any weakness. They will not miss a chance to manipulate you into giving them an extra hour. They have a fertile imagination and will concoct any and every tactic to wrangle that from you. They will ask for a drink or a question, or they will say they are scared or need to pee, anything! Some of them are so good at it that they might make you feel sorry for them so that you allow them to stay up later or sleep in your bed. Don’t give in.
Once you have established the rules, you must implement them. Make a bedtime routine. It is very important, especially for the younger ones. As I said earlier, you cannot force sleep, but you can create a situation when sleep comes automatically. Follow the same bedtime routine day after day, and start well before the target bedtime leading them through the various steps, such as getting changed, doing teeth and bathroom, reading a story and switching off the lights. It pays to give them your full attention during this routine; they feel comfortable and secure.
Then, when it comes to lights out, be firm and calm. Make it clear that you expect them to stay in bed. Leave the door open or a night-light on if they need that. You could also put on some gentle, soothing music if they respond well to that.
All this is fine, but if the child gets out of bed, or calls for your attention, then you need to judge the situation calmly. If the need is genuine, cater to it without giving them too much attention so that it doesn’t become a routine affair.
You could use a timer and tell your child that you will be up to check on them after five or ten minutes only if he stays in bed. Start with five minutes and gradually increase to ten minutes. Make sure you go up to check on him and praise him for staying in bed quietly. But don’t linger on. Just tuck him up quietly, give a kiss, and leave.
For your own peace of mind, you may want to go on checking till they are asleep. You might find this very tiring in the beginning, but remember, habits are not formed in a day. You need to put in some effort to get your child into a bedtime routine.
Remember to be positive by praising your child for staying quietly in bed. Also, be very particular about keeping your promise by going to check exactly at the time fixed. This is where the timer comes in handy.
If they get up before your next check, do the following:
First, send them firmly back to bed. Don’t shout; just make it clear you mean business. Then remind them that you WILL be up to tuck them in again, but it won’t be until the timer says so, and now you are going to have to restart the timer as they got out of bed. Having done that, ignore them until the time for your next check.
Finally, remember to reward them for success in staying nicely in bed. A star chart or similar works well for this.
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